I went too far...

Regular readers of this blog know that I strive to be as provocative as possible in my postings, that I court controversy in an effort to push our thinking about what is possible in the association community. Unfortunately, in my zeal to continue pushing our collective dialogue, I have crossed the line, insulted someone I consider to be a friend, and I may have cost myself that friendship in the process.

In my April 28 post about leadership blindspots, I referenced a recent dinner conversation with an association community colleague as an illustration. (I'm not going to reiterate that illustration here. If you want to read it, just scroll down.) I wish to retract those words, right here and right now. Whatever substantive differences this individual and I may have on the issue in question, it was absolutely wrong for me to be critical of my colleague in the way I was. This person is a smart, capable and hard-working leader who is doing a terrific job in the association in which he/she works, and this person absolutely deserved better treatment from me than he/she received. I have already tried to personally apologize to this person, but I fear it may be too late. I have hurt this person deeply with my words, and the damage to our friendship may be irreparable. If that is the case, I will regret this mistake for the rest of my life.

I love writing this blog, but I think that going forward I will need to adopt a different and more responsible tone in my postings. Throughout my career, I have been known, depending on your point of view, as a contrarian and a bombthrower. I suppose I am both those things, with all of the upside and downside that comes with both labels. What makes blogging so much fun for someone like me, and yet so dangerous, is the ability to instantly make accessible even your half-baked thoughts on a particular topic and engage other interested people in that conversation. But with the commitment to writing a blog such as this one comes an absolute and irrevocable need to take responsibility for the words you write and to admit when those words are ill-considered, inappropriate and hurtful to others, as I am doing today. I don't believe that being radical and being respectful must be mutually exclusive, and I will work harder going forward to live in the space where these two values overlap.

To my readers, I thank you for being a part of this community of ideas and perspectives. I hope you will continue to be a part of it, and will not choose to view this post as a sign of weakness or a willingness to recant "the brutal facts" at the first sign of disagreement by others. Rather, I encourage you to look upon this post as a signal of the profound regard in which I hold each and everyone of you and the association community, to which I have devoted my career. To my friend, I can offer only my most sincere apology for making a terrible error in judgment and beg for your forgiveness. I hope that on this occasion I have chosen my words with greater care to demonstrate that I know what I did was wrong. I went too far, and I am sorry.

Comments

[John Crosby]

Jeff,

Given that I know you as I do, it's easy for me to say you're being too hard on yourself. But as my dad alwasy taught me, "You shouldn't criticize a person unless you've walked a mile in their shoes." So I cannot judge the feelings or reactions of the subject of the original post.

I CAN say that your reaction is totally in character, and that it was humble and honest. As Cecilia said, you've made your apologies. Now let's move on.

Your friend,

John

[Jeff De Cagna]

Cecilia:

Thanks for your comment. I think most people who know me well know that I care much more about my friends and family than I do about anything else. For this reason, it was an easy decision for me to apologize publicly for making a hurtful mistake.

My friend has accepted my apology and, as you write, we are moving forward. Thanks again for your thoughts.

Jeff

[Cecilia Sepp]

Jeff:
I'm sorry that you hurt your friend and possibly lost a friendship, but I'm glad that you publicly apologized for a public mistake. I hope your friend gives you another chance after the sting wears off, but if not, this will be an expensive lesson.

Now, let's move forward.
Cecilia